20 May 2004 at 1:10 PM
plunge boldly into the thick of life - Goethe
a friend, the biology-chemistry genius, and not just the
"let's have a diploma" bullshit type of student, who
fucked his girlfriends listening classics, who was an
alpinist as well, the hardcore type. well, he won a lottery
to USA, so he left and went to the states. he started as
an industrial alpinist, washing skyscrapers. but he wanted
some real job, a job worthy for his knowledge, so he went
for a job interview, for a chemistry assistant job, but
he was rejected because he was "over educated". now he's
in the marine, maybe killing people in some forgotten part
of the world. free will man, free will...
[...]
i refuse to post here my thoughts for the last few days.
let it stand as the emptyness of dots, trapped beteween
square brackets
[...]
14 May 2004 at 6:27 PM
everything's transient, even this pain i feel, but will leave
a deep mark into my soul, to remember forever!
when death comes around and shows his intentions, you realize
the meaningless of daily problems, how they vanish away in a
sudden moment, loose importance. the furniture i wanted to buy
tomorrow, the gadgets i'm missing, the pictures i'm dreaming about,
the job that i'm doing, the books i'm reading, the entertainment,
the news on the screen, the bills, money, the cynism in my thoughts,
the tears in my eyes.
14 May 2004 at 5:24 PM
i found this great site, while looking for classical music
in movies: bohemianopera.com
12 May 2004 at 5:56 PM
on my way home
streets are full with youngsters, sunglasses, silicone tits,
sleazy trousers, painted porcelain finger-nail, cabrios,
bikers, retro clothes, sunshine and vanity fair everywhere.
11 May 2004 at 3:55 PM
got some papirus, posters and a carpet to be hanged on the wall.
i'm going for a drill into a piercing salon ;) funny, eh?
regarding stupid jokes: this friend, who's working in a
piercing salon, sometimes when he's making a tongue piercing,
there is a special procedure at the end of the operation,
when the lower part of the silver jewel should be shortened.
the "patient" practically doesn't feel anything, just the
clicking sound, as the pliers cut the jewel. and here comes
the part when he cracks the joke: "oh shit, sorry but i cut
your tongue. but don't worry, i'll sew it back right now..."
10 May 2004 at 9:20 AM
it has been said that something as small as the flutter
of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon
halfway around the world
- Chaos Theory
this weekend, there were moments when i felt a bit like
Leonard Shelby in the Memento movie. slightly difference that
i used my cell-phone calendar instead of polaroid pictures.
i found some entries which i have no idea what they mean
nor when i entered them...it's really bad. or maybe just
someone was playing with my phone??? what's my name anyway? ;)
5 May 2004 at 1:06 PM
during an interview, Lynch was asked about the baby from his
Eraserhead movie, and he replyed: i don't want to talk about it.
there is this kind of elusive question,
which left a persons mind go on idle
or trigger intellectual uncertainty.
zen koans presents plenty of conversations,
full of this kind of questions and the
answers(!) that seldom occurs to other people.
but when it's about zen, you shouldn't be rational at all.
let me exemplify todays happenings with a zen koan:
Joshu (A.D. 778-897) was a famous Chinese Zen Master who
lived in Joshu, the province from which he took his name.
One day a troubled monk approached him, intending to ask
the Master for guidance. A dog walked by. The monk asked Joshu,
"Has that dog a Buddha-nature or not?" The monk had barely
completed his question when Joshu shouted: "MU!"
3 May 2004 at 4:29 PM
above the doors of conscience
the main skill is to keep from getting lost.
and to keep from getting found...
you may roam around the unknown, taste ambiguous things,
irational things (irational at first sight).
spend some time alone, retired in tranquility,
realize the plenty of contradictions,
trying to change complexity with simplicity,
accomplished by challenges, ready for any question.
but the ancestral answers lies over there,
we just keep ourselves far from understanding it,
far from discovery, in the senseless roots of ignorance.
those who will try and enter, will face the infinite knowledge,
and the shortness of time; but in the end,
at the shallow borders of incomprehensibility,
seemingly snagged by the shores of languid singularity,
waiting for the question of time to unveil,
the truthful man will find the answer!
28 April 2004 at 8:47 PM
after a trip to egypt, with few days on the nile, it's much better now,
except diarrhea from the last days, but that's somehow "normal" ;)
pictures instead of words
15 April 2004 at 12:34 PM
the king of hearts is the only king without a mustache
there are times when i feel that the world has something wrong with me,
and there are times when i feel that i have something worng with the world.
the latter one grown over me... need some time.
14 April 2004 at 1:59 PM
in power we entrust the love advocated - dead can dance
sail on silver wings, through this storm
what fortune love may bring,
back to my arms again the love of a former golden age.
i am disabled by fears concerning which course to take,
for now that wheels are turning i find my faith deserting me.
this night is filled with the cries of dispossessed children in search of paradise.
a sign of unresolved ambition drives the pin wheel on and on.
i am disabled by fears concerning which course to take,
when memory bears witness to the innocents consumed in dying rage.
the way lies through our love.
there can be no other means to the end,
or the keys to my heart you will never find.
no words to tell...
6 April 2004 at 4:13 PM
To the degree that he masters his tools, [man] can
invest the world with his meaning; to the degree he
is mastered by his tools, the shape of the tool
determines his own self-image.
--Ivan Illich
the Qatsi trilogy, carrier of powerfull audio-visual effects,
the subject for the last night cinema session, call to mind
the aimlessness of our globalized, speed up lifestyle.
great movies in a topical context, strongly recommended to
everyone.
29 March 2004 at 3:20 PM
it is said that the supreme text of alchemy, consist of few
lines and it's written on a small piece of emerald.
one of my oldest childhood dreams seems to become reality,
with the african journey through egypt. i planned it sometime
around the second half of april, and i hope there will be no
reason for the travel agency to cancel the trip.
lots of books, some great movies, my love and friends,
that's what keeps me on continuous spinning, and the
plenty of things to be known and understand.
19 March 2004 at 7:55 PM
on the second day of spring
...girls put on their transparent trousers with g-strings, parfume
and sunglasses.
spring and sunrise, the imperative way of nature, bring me tomorrow,
as always, the second day of my delusive summer.
...felt the absence of a bonsai tree and increased imperfection.
serpent's egg, giant of the universe, come out, embrace earth,
and shake indifference away!
19 March 2004 at 11:20 AM
first, learn to understand the simplicity of things.
after that, you will understand how useless complexity is.
i agree that it's hard to take in the music of Bach,
especially for the jilted generation, as ours,
with poor musical lireracy and cultural background.
but now, with some of the fugues behind, flavoured
by the confabulations of the Turtle and Achilles,
the sparkling of that genious mind unfolds before me.
16 March 2004 at 12:50 PM
colorful
pictures of a huge old building, growing in outline,
a jesuit school perhaps...
different faces of the same old building, my school!
in gray, in green and blue.
best years of innocent youth, with drawings on the wall,
advertising fantasy and myth.
secondary courtyard with horse-chestnut trees and cinder,
play the wags around the field.
domed basement and perspiration, cellar door with heavy lock,
joint gap, bricks and plasterwork.
hallway, stairs and corridors, teaching staff and mirror doors,
traditional diffusion.
everything is altering, distant, in the wave of languid shadows,
strange, like world on the first day.
picture of a small kid, growing in outline, humbly,
a prospective wanderer perhaps...
raised between metes and bounds, with writings on the wall,
spreading wisdom and faith.
narrowed by vicious circles and ignorance of ideologies,
fascinated by illusion.
sometimes beyond expectation, praiseworthy, sometimes suppressed,
a liar and a thief,
roaming through silent woods and hills, looking for a tree, leafages of fugitive passion,
in the garden of forking paths.
velvet clouds and heavy drapes, fall apart, revealing passages,
candid smiles and cigarettes.
driven by harmless sentiment, searching for the truthful path,
obscured, like world on the first day.
picture of an old man, shrinking in the future,
with the same silent conscience...
who overcame greed and vanity, and venerates his enemies,
at a saunter, prepared for ultimate judgment.
turning over wizened pages of forgotten tales, amenites of life, compiled,
in the garden with narrow paths.
grateful for his time, with all the road behind, breathing space,
and morals of life.
estranged in this human(?) world, weird habits and past perfect,
it all happened in a flash
he has my name, my words and memories!
in behind the sordid world,
and endless forms of strangeness, in gray, in green and blue,
colorful, like world on the first day.
11 March 2004 at 10:31 AM
today i discovered the materialized oxymoron, as the combination of
cough mixture tea and honey. it's horrible!
7 March 2004 at 12:05 PM
manga and anime never were my favourite type of cartoons since
nowdays, when i saw some older classics: ghost in the shell, akira.
i know i'm late a few years on this issue, but for me it was a pleasant
delusion to discover that kind of cartoons has style, sense and some
are relaxing and funny as well. keeping up with cowboy bebop.
3 March 2004 at 11:08 AM
masturbation has lost it's fun /greenday/suematra8/
does it?
suematra - between the first ones, who kept my attention.
one year, or more... who cares. good or bad, it's not
that simple. there's chaos as well, and it's not easy to
systematize, rearrange observations, experiences.
to separate things. fill holes, arose by lack of education,
faults of our parents and ourself. keep friendships,
recognise fake, beware of evil, fear of God, and come of age.
to welcome wisdom and with the highest sense of brightness,
give a proudful handshake to our character.
1 March 2004 at 2:00 PM
weekend trip
part 1 (normafa)
part 2 (pilisborosjeno 1)
part 3 (pilisborosjeno 2)
29 February 2004 at 8:44 PM
i would prefer some parfume of fresh sharpened pencil scent
or the smell of new mown grass...
25 February 2004 at 4:10 PM
first i thought that Barton Fink is an unfinished work, but
as a matter of fact, it's definetly not. it needs no more
detail or explanation, otherwise it would loose all it's
weird ambience, that's so common around the Coen bros movies.
it definitely has to do something with hallucinatory
visions and undone actions. a funny picture in a morbid context.
25 February 2004 at 10:53 AM
(i)rational life
sometimes, it's so tiring to have a taste, different than the
masses... someone would say: "yes, but that's the beauty of it".
23 February 2004 at 10:11 AM
here's another quest - the last one, i promise - which proved
to be the most difficult to understand among my friends (&I).
cheating husbands
once upon a time, there was a small country called Mamajorca,
where very smart women rule the land. One morning, the Queen
decided to put an end to the problem of male infidelity in
Mamajorca. She summoned all the women heads of households
before her and read the following statement:
"There are (one or more) unfaithful husbands in our country.
Although none of you knew before this gathering whether your
own husband was faithful, each of you know which of the other
husbands are unfaithful. I forbid you to discuss the matter
of your husband?s fidelity with anyone. However, should you
discover that your husband is unfaithful, you maust shoot him
on the midnight of the day you found out about it."
Thirty-nine silent night went by, and on the fortieth night,
shots were heard. Was any innocent husband shot? Did any
unfaithful husband escape? Why were there shots on the fortieth
night, but not before?
discussion:
The claim is that if there are n cheating husbands then they all
get shot on the n-th night. Let us call a wife whose husband is
cheating a cheated wife. Consider the case where n=1. The single
cheated wife knows of no cheating husbands among all the other
husbands and thus concludes that her husband is cheating and
shoots him on the first night.
When n=2, no husbands get shot on the first night since every
wife knows of at least one cheating husband. Therefore, there
is no conclusive evidence that her own husband is cheating or
not. However, after the first night, a cheated wife now knows
that her husband is cheating since if there is exactly one
cheating husband, he would be shot on the first night by the
above argument. Clearly, the other cheated wife must have known
at least one cheating husband other than her own husband if
there is no shooting on the first night. Thus, both cheated
wives know that their husbands are cheating after the first
night and will shoot them both on the second night.
By Mathematical Induction, the same argument holds for n cheating
husbands in general. After the (n-1)th night without any shooting,
a cheated wife knows that her husband is cheating since she knows
of n-1 other cheating husbands and they all survived the (n-1)th
night. Hence the claim is establish.
source: ngbeesan
17 February 2004 at 3:35 PM
faculty of reasoning
there's a peculiar analogy between recursive programming and some classical
paradoxes - those which have a statement that refers to itself. while i was
lost in thoughts, around Hofstadter's book (surprisingly build around formal
systems, paradoxes connected to the art of Escher and the music of Bach)
i made some research on the subject, and found plenty of interesting things,
which made me self-reasoning on the limits of my senses. Ned Markosian has
a fascinating paradox, called the paradox of question, in which a group
of philosophers meet an angel - as a messenger from God - and got a chance
to ask one single question, for which the angel, will tell them the one and
only true answer. after all, they start reasoning about what would be the best
question to ask, and basically that will lead them to the problem of paradox.
here's the full story if someone's interested, and a short quest around it.
(AcrobtReader is required!).
11 February 2004 at 11:13 AM
i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
joel newberry /nine inch nails/
can't wait to find myself at the dentist's office...
listening the sedative sound of burr, the raspy
sound of abraded tooth.
9 February 2004 at 2:22 PM
art theory
(i consider this post, as a manifestation of my snobbishness,
as well as a kind of misanthropy for those driven by shallowness)
during the weekend cycling tour, we sweep before the fine arts museum,
which stands as a stage for the modish Monet (and friends) exhibition.
although it lasts since a few months, it seems that the popularity
is growing week by week - empirical tip, concluded by the length of
the queue - and as snobbery is a worldwide phenomena (it probably
differs just as precentage, around the countries of the world),
it happens, that around an event like this, a remarkable number
of the mass, belongs to the set of snobbishness. they come
to see monet because "it's monet!" and because "it's obligatory!"
not because they really like it or know something about his paintings,
nor impressionism. additionally, those who are not comming, are
"illiterate" and "culturally disinterested". in my opinion, going to
an art exhibition, suppose some cultural literacy, beyond aesthetic
sense and candid interest. as far as i am concerned, there are two
ways around artistic interpretation (of any kind): the first is
"my way", means things go through and will be interpreted without
any external influence (someone would say that's absurd,
because you're already influenced by previous, similar experiences
or it leads to misconception) and the second, the "other's way",
which means, things previously interpreted by others (critics,
writers or the artist himself) and other observations based on
general education. at the intertwine of those two, the aesthetic
sense of each individual develops (where extremity of "my way",
will produce new tendency). an analogy to the Monet exhibition
would be a classical music concert: listening Bach while you know
what fugue means, how it is built, know it's complexity,
and know how it stands in the context of the piece, it's completely
different than just listening it, without that knowledge.
i'll broke here at the end, and as a conclusion, i'll say:
it's never too late! go, see, grasp, experience, and you'll
became accomplished! like those who spread out their whole inner sense.
8 February 2004 at 9:48 PM
i've found a two inch nail in my bed...
8 February 2004 at 9:33 AM
fleeting firendship
it's because, when there was the happening, you show no interest,
and you do not show candid interest today as well, it's just for the
fancy of gossip.
and i'm asking: what would happen to mankind, if all of us, would start
making this kind of fucked up ideologies, based of false dichotomies?
4 February 2004 at 2:18 PM
syllogism
if helpfulness require decency and honesty,
but decency does not suppose benefit,
than benefit does not require honesty.
true|false|impossible to say
3 February 2004 at 10:28 AM
urology lesson /for males/
another rediscovery the other day, was the secret pissing posture of the
buddhist monks. in essence, it's a technique which enhance the muscles
around kidneys and stomach, and also helps to achieve a better performance
during the sexual act. as i found out later, the same advice is given by
the urologist, to those patients, with male organ or urinary tract problems.
this posture can be performed in a toe stand, with firmly straight spine,
and while straining the abdominal and arse muscles, the urine should be
pressed out firmly. the whole process should be accompanied by a slow
expiration. the goal is, to get to the point, when the whole process of
pissing is performed in a firm and possibly powerfull jet, without letting
it dripping at the end. when you can do that, you can be sure about the
health of your urinary tract.
2 February 2004 at 10:49 AM
pennyroyal tea /distill the life that's inside of me/
last night i rediscover a nirvana concert, played at the new year's
eve, in '93. it was a rough in utero concert, and i was happy
to watch the freaked out faces of some firends, especially at the
part when Curt Cobain spit in the camera from two inches, while
singing loudly: rape me! rape me, my friend! more than a decade
passed, and because of this concert, i clearly remember that night...
and as i watched it again last night, while drinking the ominous
pennyroyal tea, i got on a huge high of positive melancholy...
31 January 2004 at 23:58 PM
the new room of us...
28 January 2004 at 12:55 PM
my eight-legged furry friends, made their visit again these days,
near the banks of the river. some of them, big as my palm,
some small as a nail... resting motionless on the wizened shore.
there is no real connection to arachnophobia, although my
subconscious keep on reminding me about that. have no intention
to mystify this thing, but the sipders are the most frequent
occurrences in my dreams.
one of the teachings of Siddartha says: all suffering is caused
by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment,
and grasping that result from such ignorance.
...who's to be blamed?
the strange attitude of some old friends, those who turned over
a new leaf, and refused or ignored all my attempts on making
contact with them, still flusters me in a way, but since then,
i accept the fact that a good fellowship could end in such a
silly way. i'm not angry with any of them henceforth. they
probably cannot forgive, as pride, inhibits them doing such
"noble" actions. it was their choice, and that should be hold
in reverence.
24 January 2004 at 19:51 PM
some plagiarism...(via szanalmas.hu)
Gregory Corso - Marriage
Should I get married? Should I be good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky-
more...
21 January 2004 at 11:14 AM
my entry-form for first aid exam was not registered, because of the
light-minded prof, who left me unregistered. he forgot it. that was
his excuse. he was lucky, i didn't reach him on the phone that day.
anyway, it was hard to read and learn this book about what should,
and most important, what shouldn't have to be done in case of an
accident. since then, it's a completly different feeling, to sit in
a car, watching how many times the traffic rules are violated or
ignored. it helped me to be more paranoic, but i hope i'll never
have to use this knowledge. the proximate chance for a successful
exam is next thursday.
[cultural snivel]
regarding books, i already overspent the budget for the next two
months, and it was a nice surprise to find out, that the online
bookstores (i'm talking about the hungarian market) have a much
higher variety than the traditional bookstores, and usually, give
something like 15% savings at online purchase. nevertheless about
the search possibility. of course it's a different feeling
walking through the shelves and read into, experience the library
feeling... pros and cons, like e-books and paper-books. it's hard
to argue on that, and i accept the advantages about the e-books,
but i still perefer the traditional ones.
16 January 2004 at 3:10 PM
in a book, where the turtle and Achilles - my favourite
protagonists from Zenon's paradoxes - go to a fun-fair,
buy cotton candy, and afterwards they decide to take a
ride on the ferris-wheel, well, that the high end of
esoterical confabulation. it will probably be my favourite ;)
btw, this "out of stock" thing starts to oppress me, especially
when appears in the contex of a bookstore. the only solution
for this problem (except a library visit of course) is to
wait till the next (re)printing.
15 January 2004 at 11:13 AM
0 days left
here's the day i've always waited for, to have my own place,
in my own way. some necessary renovation is needed but at the
end of the next week, we can probably move in. there is a lack,
regarding furniture, but it's just a question of time (and money).
14 January 2004 at 3:53 PM
tomorrow i'll have the basics of the first aid exam, the last
shackle on having the driving licence. thay have a book with sg.
like 70 questions, most of them horroristic scenarios that could
happen with someone - mostly related to traffic accidents. maybe it
has it's sense, but applied in practice, probably most of the
pepole would fail on giving the first aid in case of a bad accident.
i'm glad i choose not to be a doctor...
11 January 2004 at 3:28 PM
after a stamping night, it's a quiet peaceful day, good to
think, about the happenings of last night, spent at a kind
of rave party at trafo. i definitely got the feeling...
a great but destructing way of life.
7 January 2004 at 11:25 AM
strange thing
i don't know if that happened to anyone yet, but with this
whole mess around the current e-mail technology and spam
compaigns, i don't know what to think but it's weired anyhow.
what happend basically, is that yesterday, i got a letter
from a friend, which was sent at least three years ago.
it probably arrived at my address at that time also, but
now the e-mail address was different (an existing one but
never registered by my friend, who originally wrote the letter)
although the display name was correct. till now i don't had
time to investigate the header info and all the geek part
around it, but this whole thing sounds pretty fucked up.
5 January 2004 at 3:26 PM
it's a painful day! i think we can agree on that one, however
two great movies were on the repertoire this year already, both
having young protagonists in the focus of the story, both very actual:
Ghost World, a satirical drama about a young girl at the
end of her awkward age and Ken Park, a real tough one,
following the life of four teenagers from california, a movie spiced
by shocking scenes of violence and sexuality. i was wondering
about the age of the crew in the Ken Park movie. they've certainly
undertake a lot by performing those bizarre sequences, which caused
this film to be banned or censored in some parts of the world.
2 January 2004 at 3:03 PM
taking the epic ride
choose one, or two, or more:
the bigger? the smaller? the half? whole?
three diamonds or a superman?
do you really need this shit my friend?
take it, melt it, enjoy it...
decrease your fatigue - no need for sleep,
free your frantic rage and rave the night away.
you'll get the veiled message,
mentioned in modern art,
black&white movies and abstract paintings.
never mentioned the best part...
31 December 2003 at 3:28 PM
in the toilet of the train:
in romania, the future is unlimited.
i spent the last couple of days in my hometown, nagyvarad (oradea),
at my parents and a few friends who remained there. also visited
all the relatives. my grangfather and my aunt are no too well.
unfortunately, that's a common thing above an age of 80 years.
it was fun as well. there are lots of good pubs (at least two new
places opens every time i drop a visit) but i've decided to never
drink mojito there (it was horrible). yesterday we came back, so
we'll spend new years eve party in budapest.
have fun everyone!!!
someone modified the above quote, so it became:
in romania, the future and corruption are unlimited.
22 December 2003 at 2:58 PM
- if your house would burn out, but you would have a short
moment, enough to save just one thing from inside, what
would that be?
i heard this question when i was around 14, and i didn't really
understand the answer that was given by the famous writer, at
whom the question was addressed to.
since then, it changed a lot, fluctuate, modulate, gain different
forms, got lost, refound then lost again, but finally things got
their meanings, and the answer is getting sense...
- the fire.
20 December 2003 at 7:41 PM
y tu mama tambien /And Your Mother Too/
it was really delighting, in this easy saturday afternoon.
recomended for all who like lightweighted, sexual oriented
movies, a good combination of drama, comedy and romance,
seasoned by the tropical mexican atmosphere and spanish
language.
17 December 2003 at 3:58 PM
can't believe it's still just wednesday. each day this week, i had
a definite friday feeling. it's incredible how much confusion a
working saturday (and sunday) can do, nevertheless that last week,
was maybe the most hectic week of this yaer, fortunately with good
news and a run of luck. anyway, two more days and this year will be
finished, from the working point of view, and i'll have some rest for
the next few days, till '04. if i count it well, there are exactly two
more weeks till new year's eve. it's not my favourite part of the year,
but it looks like this season is the only one, for a flying home visit.
it's hard to say that a whole year passed since i've been home. that's
the truth. fortunatly (or not) homesickness seems to be legally dead but
it's almost a decade, since i abandoned the sedentary way of life and
started a new one. and i'm happy with it. we'll see what future brings...
wish you all the best for the feast and a happy new year!
15 December 2003 at 1:16 PM
it seems that the need for a higher security, for non-profit orgs
and artists should become a basic demand - at least for those beeing
cracked. it's painfull because, usually this people don't want to care
and/or have no real knowledge or possibility for a higher security
to protect their work or resources. i don't think cracking a non-profit
or an art dedicated site, would prove anything more than cowardice.
12 December 2003 at 9:41 AM
philosophy classes
we had an arrogant philosophy prof. in the high school, who
always declaim an ignominious speech and jeer at the student,
in case s/he didn't learn the philosophy lesson. that was a
common thing, as nobody was really interested in philosophy
at that age, except those frequenting humanities. as i said,
it was degrading for the student who staied there silently,
in front of the class, but somehow funny for the rest of the
class. i can recall one of the prof's speech...
it happened at an art school, during preliminary examination.
the school was looking for play-actors, and a guy, one of the
examinee, had a task to improvise whatever come to mind.
eventually, the guy lay down before the interrogators committee
and stayed there silently. after a while, one of the proffesors,
asked the guy, what is he doing? and he replied: i try to perform
my improvisation as a piece of cheese; and he stayed there
henceforward, arse upwards, before them, till another prof from
the committee asked him again: ok, and what are you waiting for?
the guy replied again: well, i'll wait here, till i get malodorous...
then, the prof turnded to the student he was trying to test:
and you? what are you waiting for?
9 December 2003 at 4:52 PM
we manage to sign the contract for the loan and within two days
all my savings will be invested in our new apartment. that's the
good news. the bad news is, that the second exam for the driving-
licence is very near and i still fuck up some basic things but the
real bad news is that the exam will start at 5:30 pm and at 5:30 pm
it's dark, really dark, and the darker is, the more fucked up things
are (at least for the inexperienced drivers)
there was also some fun at the weekend. we went for a go-cart
race and beside the fact i was one of the slowest racers it was
a cool experience. honourable mention for the formula-1 drivers,
who do the same thing, for two hours almost constantly. i was
exhausted after two rounds of 6 minutes.
7 December 2003 at 2:36 PM
Psychic TV3 - first gig with Rushkoff
something to have a minimal ideea about the visual atmosphere of the show:
Psychic TV3 - gig at Coral Room.
i hope some audio material will be available soon.
5 December 2003 at 10:55 a.m.
conversations (1)
me: again, i manage to get drunk last night, and now i'm
completely maxed out.
random quantum: i got home at 4 o'clock, and now it
hurts a lot; did you realize how crappy it is, to party at the weekend???
3 December 2003 at 4:25 p.m.
read, talk sense and get wiser.
here's a longer reflection on the history of the BRAND,
a great interpretation of what the brand was, what is now, and where it
tends. interesting point of view... and illuminating talk.
3 December 2003 at 10:17 a.m.
it takes a lot of chinese characters to write "sex machineguns"
unable to put together something, however if i would,
mostly these words would come up:
exhausted, impatient, tired, hangover, thirsty, sleepy, randy,
hungry, dreamy, scattered, deranged, floating, reflective, wicked,
idle, useless, sleazy, tranquilized.
30 November 2003
i saw those who saw those who cannot see
how can i tell the pseudo zen master, that the
life he's living, is nothing more than the stale
manifestation of his fucked up masculinity?
27 November 2003
distinct little nervous impulses are comming from cerebrospinal
and hit the eyeball a few times per second, leading to a constant
quavery on the right. and it's going on since weeks. in a surreal
moment, after putting on some spreader, hitched up on the pate,
between brows and nasal bone, with a firm hit on the back of the head,
the eyeball would fall out the orbit, with all nerves and veins
on the back of it... a short blackout afterwards and the cure with
some directly injected sedative would be obvious, like a cronenberg
movie. the b-complex cure doesn't help too much so far, so if i'll
waste away these days, that was the cause - for sure.
26 November 2003
while roaming between the dvd shelves, i found an old time classic rarity,
i was looking for a long time: Pink Floyd: Live at Pompeii. it's about
the shooting of the concert in '73, made among the ruins of Pompeii.
btw, there was no public audience at all.
22 November 2003
in a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings
sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
i was dreaming about the solution for the seven bridges of konigsberg
...draw it on the walls of my old school...
18 November 2003
what's this weird habit (especially at women) to set the time
ahead a few minutes? would that affirme the illusion of punctuality?
this ideea of being in time all the time is not working;
in my opinion, whatever variance is, between the present moment
and the green flash-quartz above the night stand, the same amount
of time will be spent with something completly useless or negligible.
we're always short in time, there's no point on making it shorter.
i guess in some pubs the small notice: "reserved", is put there to
allow the waiter (or the barman) to choose, weather to let a person
to stay or not. it's a matter of personal sympathy beyond the business.
(it's revealing mostly for club-like pubs)
and finally, here's something to listen: Family Of God
15 November 2003
headache
while waiting for my friends last night, i had this vision...,
trying to disassemble the upper-left quarter of my head,
and after having it all done, i was wondering if they
will still recognise me...
14 November 2003
yes, that's really fucking great:
mattstuart.com
thank's to jj - part I
btw, listening: Sneaker Pimps - Becoming X,
and that's also fucking great!
thanks to jj - part II
12 November 2003
foucault's pendulum
i have understood. and the certainty that there is nothing to
understand should be my peace, my triumph.
i could talk in cliches about this book i'm reading at the moment,
but i hate that and it would be absolutely useless. enough has been
said, enough has been written and enough has been criticized.
but anyway, being kind of pesudo-history, i would accept it as "true"
as i don't really believe in the "real" one. it makes me keep
an updated list about things beeing refered, things which raise interest,
things we have no knowledge about... it grows day by day.
10 November 2003
london kills me
watching this movie could be painful under certain circumstances,
in spite of the (happy) ending. although it was release far before
trainspotting - i would say, the stepchild of the subject matter -
it does not reach the same popularity. instructive and thought-provoking
movie built around the unfailing theme of drugs.
let's say 6/10.
7 November 2003
geek stuff
the company i'm working for, does not allow any internet connection,
except their portal and some useless company related shit.
it goes without saying, in the it business you're fucked without net.
don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining about the job, but in spite of
the quote "internet is shit" - which in my opinion seems a disproved issue - i
need that stupid information out there. today i get on with the problem,
and use a gprs connection and that's a big step forward. now i can check
this whole ssl stuff along with the wassenaar arrangement.
maybe there is some wisdom about this chinese guys, who believe that
we're born naked, wet and hungry and afterwards things starts getting worse.
4 November 2003
one of these days (i'm gonna tear you into little pieces) i found
my first java program on the web. i wrote this small java game - an
adoptation of the old c-64 classic, froggy - for a dutch company.
at that time, the flash technology was not present on the market,
so the only way to do good looking online stuff was the java way.
unfortunatly the company go bankrupted, and on a crappy autumn day,
they hop the twig with our salaries. so, if someone's interested in
the source-code, just drop a mail ;-)
here's the game.
03 November 2003
box of regression - my good old friends
30 October 2003
a story about honesty
i heard this from one of my friends and according to him, it
happended to one of his buddies, who was trying to find a job
at that time. i can imagine it as a true story and not just an
urban legend, but anyway, it amuses me so much i can't hold on
telling it right now.
so, there was this guy who went for a job interview, and he
seemed quite good in his professional skills and personality.
then they got to the point when the hr manager asked the guy
to tell her about his weak points. hi was completely honest and
told her about his one and only weak point - and keeping a
straight face he speaks so:
- anytime when i feel the need for taking a shit, i need to go
home, because i'm able to poop just im my own toilet. so if that
happens during the working hours, i will need to go home suddenly.
i can imagine the face of the young dandified hr manager hearing
this surrealistic sentence... well, in the end, the company
refuses to hire him, and it happened exactly because of his honesty.
strange funny fuckin things ;)
28 October 2003
my favourites
hungarian perspectives
my good old favourite: kzamm is not really publishing, but when he does,
he always bring his usual irony and thoughtful message (except when he
writes about the last concorde flight). neverminder is angry because the
ikea stuff is the same in germany as in hungary. should it be be different?
does a nokia phone look different anywhere else in the world, or a toyota?
or a sherwood? no, even the coke taste almost the same anywhere elese.
of course the gentle sense of irony gain interpretation... plastik dig out his
old-fashioned retro-picture and now we know: he knows how to write
a scroll-routine and has knowledge about the wonders of e-culture. it's not
easy to win on lottery. i like your stile! she still amuses me with her incredible
(black) humor. she's angry with the elderly people and decapitate them
virtually in a tarantino stile - with aplomb and irony. does that help?
sure it does! there will be easyer with a driving licence ;) fb2 gave me
the book i was looking for. BIG Thanks again and have fun with the gadgets
you gathered around :) JJ-my friend, you're still not online but better know,
i have some great expectations regarding the design; and not only! it's pretty
fucked up to be a legal alien in central europe.
outer space
cameron's blog doesn't bring us any news since a few days. does god's hell fire
really melted the whole west-coast? or maybe you're in paris? mr.rushkoff is
searching for the world's best keyboards these days. wish you the best on
musical performance! Jay is probably still fighting with the problem of spam,
which by the way gnaws the whole virtual world we're living in. i'm sure
the blogging generation is grateful with the stuff you made, and that should be
a great thing. and finally me ;) i had a terrible nightmare last night. it was so bad
i almost threw out when i woke up. but the day was bright. there's still mess
on the streets, traffic-jam and pollution. and then i found the Family Of God
and their atomic little thing brought light and warmth. it really does!
yes Juan, the sky is falling but i have some good news too: we'll leave before
the whole shit blows away above our heads! don't forget to bring your towel!
my beard got almost 1 cm long. shit, what time is it? i left for a shave...
27 October 2003
i'm curious about rushkoff's musical performance, as the
keyboard player of the band. hopefully they will keep him,
so we can hear - unfortunatly i will probably just read -
about the first gig, sometime in december maybe?
22 October 2003
act naTurally,
eat suShi,
safe seX,
kill bill,
take cAre.
21 October 2003
feel like shit today - because of the cold i caught these days.
stayed at home all day and watched the surfers from hawai, tahiti and malibu.
weather is sux here but there's always sun and fun on television.
...
childhood flash
i can see some fragments of my innocence,
laying on the restless river,
castles of sand and pebble stones,
with friends and family
and the first nude on the other side.
narrow footpath, leading through the forrest,
"god's leg" hanging over the water,
dragonfly, aspen and overgrown ferns everywhere,
the secret tree with waning leaves.
the whole scene as a surging picture,
fade away in the cradle of my youth.
17 October 2003
had a strange dream about filling a lottery coupon
and i was thinking about playing with 13 and
maybe 87. the fact is, that in hungary the actual
cumulated sum is something about 3.7 billion Ft,
which makes about 14.4 million euros.
shit, i would never play for that much money.
16 October 2003
chocolate & vanilla
prepared to take a walk on the roof tonight,
just wait for the ceiling to flew away.
shit, winter's here...
this T. guy's a fuckin' genius
15 October 2003
weird habits
i'm wondering from where this irresistible desire comes
for some people, to put as much perfume on them, that
it smells around at a minimum range of 5 meters around them.
probably that's a way to express personality and sexual
orientation. reminds me of dogs, who piss on the streets,
to mark their territory, but the perfume it more like...like human?
ok, do it, but NOT at work.
13 October 2003
stressful days and unplesant situations and i'm afraid the upcoming weeks
will not be with less pressure on us. resolutions, paperwork and money
expending. hope it will end in early january so we can quietly move on and
lay down on our own place. we'll see what the fall brings for us...
8 October 2003
letters & modern drama
Was I sleeping, while the others suffered? Am I sleeping now? Tomorrow, when I wake,
or think I do, what shall I say of today? That with Estragon my friend, at this place,
until the fall of night, I waited for Godot? That Pozzo passed, with his carrier, and
that he spoke to us? Probably. But in all that what truth will there be? [...] He'll
know nothing. He'll tell me about the blows he received and I'll give him a carrot.
...Astride of a grave and a difficult birth. Down in the hole, lingeringly, the grave
digger puts on the forceps. We have time to grow old. The air is full of our cries.
...But habit is a great deadener. At me too someone is looking, of me too someone is
saying, He is sleeping, he knows nothing, let him sleep on. ...I can't go on!
...What have I said?
Samuel Beckett - Waiting for Godot
have you ever got in mind something you are a hundered precent sure that you are
completly not sure it had happened to you really or it was just a simple dream???
nevermind, things need no explanation...
after all, as the Stoppard movie left a deep mark on me,
i start looking after the Theatre of the Absurd and found out
lot's of resources. i can remember about E.Ionesco from school, who's
considered one of the greatest on the subject matter, even know some of
his work. and then i found S.Beckett, and he amuses me this gloomy morning
with the incredible dialogues in Waiting for Godot.
Here's a link if someone's interested: Waiting for Godot
7 October 2003
6:17 p.m.
what a fuckedup weather this shitty afternoon,
even the a.tobin concert at A38
wouldn't get me out of the mood,
...for which by the way, i have no ticket.
and yes, raddle is sexy.
11:25 a.m.
technical analisys
while playing with the cool audio-feature of my nokia whatever-model-number,
with stereo FM radio, i was wondering why NOKIA design this unusable and
unpractical plug for the stereo head-set?
why they just don't use a standard stereo jack - or something similar, if they
want to hold that part of business too - which can be easily used and plugged?
stupid, stupid, stupid!
4 October 2003
check it out
19 September 2003
a little week,
a little pale today,
looks like it's time
for that certain holiday
~ de-phazz ~
i'm leaving now, for a two weeks vacation,
in the faraway south
have some rest for a while.
18 September 2003
i've try to drive an old car yesterday so my driving experience
grew by a very close to the machine feeling. i felt a bit like
an old school chauffeur wearing black suit and white glows. in the
end i was unable to turn back because of the strait road, so i parked
across and wait for help :)
[...] after all there is nothing real outside our perception of reality. is there? [...]
videodrome
set figure!
17 September 2003
spanish wisdom
while looking for some spanish words, i found this proverb.
let it stand as the motto of this day:
a todo cerdo le llega su San Martin.
(~ what goes around, comes around)
16 September 2003
flogging the dead horse
i got a hurtful letter today - as the result of my naivety again - from
a person i thought is well-known for me. unfortunatly i made a big mistake
a few weeks ago thinking that i can trust this person. maybe i was wrong
with things, maybe i was hasty on making opinions, but hey, i've never
said i'm mr.perfection and i think nobody is. unfortunatly that's the normal
habit of people! to do things wrong - leading many times to an unkind verdict,
becoming part of the vicious circle. i think i fall in it, as a result of the impact
of my opinion on some things i judged wrong. well, maybe nobody has the right to
make a judgement upon another, especially because of this kind of unplesant
situations, but at the same time critics and opinion has it's reason, no doubt.
becoming part of a plot as the most iniquitous and wasted piece on the table, hmmm...
i don't feel like shit because i know i'm not the one who fucked this whole
thing up, nevertheless i'm not the one mentally disingenous... carma will manage +
15 September 2003
obfuscated
a guy asked me one night at w.b., how old was juliet in shakespeare's
romeo & juliet? actually he asked all the people around there.
well, i'm not so erudite to knew the answer, but of course
i had my opinion and when we left the party, and met the guy
on the streets, he almost hit me when i pat him on the shoulder,
telling him the answer. i hate this kind of jerk-off shitface guys,
who try to be social after getting drunk and being unable to
behave afterwards.
i told this story because it probably helped me to behave kind of
aggressive last night, and maybe it became something general for me,
and i don't like this kind of hairy-assed behaviour. i don't want
to be like that, i don't like this pent-up anger to influence me
in a way it did yesterday. sorry, i was a jerk!
12 September 2003
"i smoke two joints before i smoke two joints,
and then i smoke two more" - bradley nowell
we watched Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead tonight.
i cannot resist not to put down something after seeing
this brilliant piece of art by Tom Stoppard, the same guy who
directed/wrote other (favourite) movies like Brazil and Shakespeare in Love.
the movie was so deep as effect upon me, that on my way home
i start imagining myself, unwittingly, in different scenes, becoming part of them,
and so it happened - no joke. great comedy, deep and visual at the same time.
do not miss it!
8 September 2003
hey eugene
this is henry mcClean
and i've finished my beautiful flying machine
and i'm ringing to say
that i'm leaving and maybe
you'd like to fly with me
and hide with me, baby
isn't it strange
how little we change
isn't it sad we're insane
playing the games that we know end in tears
the games we've been playing for thousands and thousands and thousands and...
pointing to this cosmic glider
pull this plastic glider higher
light the fuse and stand right back
he cried
this is my last goodbye
POINT ME AT THE SKY AND LET IT FLY
pink floyd - point me at the sky(.mp3)
6 September 2003
i've start learning spanish since one week and i'm happy about
the progress i've made since then. i wade myself through
3 lessons from 10 and at this point it's getting more complex
and more complicated.
basic spanish lessons! over and over again...
hasta luego
3 September 2003
levels of influence
when something goes trendy or get advertised by different medias,
suddenly people starts being on that, borrow the ideology behind,
bring their image to something close to what they see on television,
movies (or friends) and experience the different levels of influence.
is seems perfectly right, at least in case of individuals at a
particular age, of course depending on how far they go and how deep
they emphatize the whole thing. the manufacturers and vendors,
are happy about it - it's a great deal and brings a lot of money.
anyway, that seems to be the incontrollable developement of the
brand new generation, that's what you can see at (illegal-) parties,
'secret' web communities, and all around. but if this goes straight
in this direction, and the average age of those affected goes
lower and lower, i have a very pessimistic forecast regarding the
growing generation, especially because most of this things bring some
others behind, and without really understanding the consequences attached,
it can easily lead to a jaded nihilistic lifestyle.
it's a bit different for those with mature personality, having a
more complex perception about facts and things. it can be their advantage
and this advantage may take them to a higher level of understanding and
wisdom, but at this point the story becomes the same as for those in bloom:
it depends on how far they go, how deep they emphatize the whole thing
and how strong they get influenced by the others. i'm sure it's
slightly different for all of us (with few differences), and probably it was...
at all times.
31 August 2003
"Emergent community and communication are the enemies
of those who would control human behavior. [...] People
taking drugs other than caffiene, alcohol, and glucose
(our mandated workaday chemicals) are walking around with
different brain chemistry, and respond differently to the
challenges of life. Marijuana users may be less likely,
say, to support a war - and coffee drinkers might be more
likely to make it through a morning shift."
i would definitely support and agree with Rushkoff on his
opinion about anti-Rave acts. this kind of underground
was always present in different forms and different interpretations
in all modern cultures and i'm sure it will always be present,
whatever law will came up in the future.
30 August 2003
felt so much like this today.
don't want to get out my bed and... the fall is near.
29 August 2003
arrived on our fun-list today:
quote of the day (allegedly russian):
drinking alcohol-free beer is the first step to be with a plastic lady.
27 August 2003
budapest underground
yesterday we had a chance to discover some of the underground pubs
in the downtown of budapest. i felt a bit like Jeffrey Beaumont in Lynch's
blue velvet, when he discover the strange lower world in his hometown.
it was incredible at the first blush, but as the alcohol level grown,
the whole scene became more common and lose some of it's mystery.
it seems that this kind of 'retro' pubs are trendy in this season or maybe
they always were. anyway, the need for it seems pretty rewarding.
after all, the strange thing is, how is it possible that so many
bleak mansions exist in the heart of this town?
(szoda udvar | simpla udvar | gojdu udvar)
25 August 2003
it's a long time since i've looked up at the sky, to check out the stars and venus at nightfall,
in the far-away west. things i've done so frequently in the past. it was really reassuring
to see my favourite W, queen cassiopeia, and the summer triangle (altair, vega and deneb).
the stars seems to be more stable than anything else in this world.
we watched gerry last night, 109 minutes of visual satisfaction,
the latest Gus Van Sant movie, really slow, natural and full panoramic.
recomended just for those strongly tuned for art movies.
22 August 2003
biggest collection (ever) of my cocktail beverages:
1 bottle of DANZKA vodka,
1 bottle of ABSOLUT vodka,
1 bottle of BACARDI white rum,
1 bottle of KAHLUA liqueur,
1 bottle of Pinacolada liqueur,
1 bottle of GRENADINE siroup.
21 August 2003
north italian round-trip.
yes, finally we went through north italy.
although we do not plan our trip, we've got to both sides,
eastern and western, of the mediterranean (ligurian and adriatic).
both are great for recreation (i would say that the western side is a bit cleaner).
we took a great nightswimming on a sanded beach, near Pisa.
San Marino was another gem of our trip. beeing a duty free zone,
i spent some money on dvd (spider of d.cronenberg) and i would spent
some more if no financial problems arise. this italian guys have a
closer assortment to my taste than the germans had in hamburg.
we spent the last night buming in the streets of Milan. the cathedral was
amazing although it's main facade is under renovation at the moment.
the way back, through Venice took 24 hours and it goes without saying,
it was really tiresome.
(some of the journey highlights can be found here)
now it's 3:30 pm. budapest time.
i took my third cappuccino and i feel pretty fucked up.
need some sleep... a lot would be better!
and no more italian food (for a while).
15 August 2003
i left for a 5 days road movie shooting.
to italy?
13 August 2003
25th hour style:
fuck me? fuck me???
FUCK YOU!
fuck the hangdog fat fag who lies to me on the phone, while i see he's not on holiday,
fuck the spam-sending advertisements with their stupid emails and penis enlargment clinics!
enlarge yours motherfucker, mine is perfect!
fuck the well dressed managers and marketing bitches,
fuck the unix administrators and oracle gurus, fuck their knowledge on the subject!
at the end of your life the whole grey matter goddam' brain will flow off as a green pus.
fuck the workaholic bastards who spend their life in a shithole office,
wondering years later: "what the fuck have i done with my youth?"
fuck the dickhead blind geeks, who don't know shit, but blame the others,
fuck the cheap indian programmers as well, who fuck up our businesses,
fuck the jerkwater gypsy thiefs on the trolley-bus,
fuck the bus driver who close the door in front of me, with a sardonic smile and stenchy mouth,
fuck the cocky blonde bitch with her air-conditioned BMW blowing the horn on the crosswalk,
and fuck the whole self-destroying consumer society,
with mcdonalds and multinational exploiting companies!
all we have and all we can be proud of
is greehouse effect and fake smiles on colorfull commercials.
...
12 August 2003
[spam]
got this letter from my girlfriend today:
by following the simple advice I read in an article, I have finally found inner peace...
it read: "the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started."
I looked around to see all the things I started and hadn't finished.
So, today I have finished one bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine,
a bottle of Jack Daniel's, my Prozac, a small box of chocolates and a shot of tequila.
You have no idea how good I feel.
09 August 2003
i've found a Dennis Hopper movie, where most of my present favourites
can be found.
documentary.
unfortunately, it's not possible to order it so far.
black&white
Remember those black & white memories
about early childhood?
I can see the black random dots and x-marks
appearing on the huge canvas.
Like watching an old classic -
a Buster Keaton for example.
It's possible to drip some colors
& make them vivid,
with a cool sense of irony.
In a deeper the regression,
the colors are fading.
Later on, aproaching the first sexual experiences,
maturity or gloomy moments,
the movie gets more and more coloration -
remember Pleasantville?
Someone said that dreams are always black & white.
I cannot decide if that's true or not,
black or white?
08 August 2003
i saw it first between the strange reflections of the old mirror,
corroded spots and dusty cracks.
like a twisted 3D shape, vague. but it was real, distant but real.
then suddenly, it got on my chest and i pack it off.
so, it flew back, to the ceiling, by the warmth of the light bulb.
07 August 2003
i am
the english patient,
who borrowed this virtual coffin of thoughts,
who'll burn the plastic rhino in lisbon,
i'm "fucked up on the beach"
building eccentric theories,
the invisible man, the moving shadow,
community peripheria,
hidden behind the curtain,
the bullshit killer,
the explorer content, quote on your screen,
virtual constructor,
the one who recognise the patterns of quality,
the balding capricorn, the one you'll meet on the bridge.
uneducated drummer... something you're not.
does this matter anyway...?
the thoughts in your head,
things you manage to achieve through...
05 August 2003
eleven numbers
40 minutes on the road,
with 7 and 47 or the 1 bike i have.
6 phone calls,
20 e-mails - 15 go to trash.
7 hours by the desk,
1 hour roaming creativity,
1 cup of bitter tea a day and coffee.
40 minutes back.
no time for vanity anymore...
04 August 2003
i grew up
between building operations,
played a lot on construction yards,
between cranes, containers and unfinished apartments.
the reason for affinity
to abandoned industrial works.
i grew up
together with the city,
with the corner i was born in.
01 August 2003
'03 island festival
almost the whole youth of budapest is excited about the island festival,
and most hungarian blogs are full of comments on the subject.
still indolent about it - languidity has no borders.
anyway, today i think i'll be there ;)
31 July 2003
dreamed with spiders again, re-emerging components of my dreams.
weave their tense cob-web into my room and thoughts...
29 July 2003
lack of feeling
heard my voice on the phone,
a strange echo at the end of the line.
vacuum...
the moments of gladness,
complicated chemistry.
void...
i don't know what's happening,
nobody knows, nobody understands!
28 July 2003
brand new week
isolated from the world,
no news, no links at all
no hope for a change,
for a hole in the wall
27 July 2003
the machinery called woman
roaming and dancing,
bringing up the chemistry within...
afterwards, watching the city-lights,
the back-seat of a mercedes 600,
fall into bed with an easy coma.
after this strange night again... am i?